The ONLY one, or the FIRST one?

Lately, I've been thinking about isolation in seasons of elevation, and one thought that recurred in my mind is the negative connotations of being "the only one" to do something, go somewhere or become something "more" within your life circle. It can feel quite isolating to be the first person to break the mould or take the uncharted road, be it in your family, your workplace, your friendship group, or even in your local community. There is something uniquely uncomfortable about being in a space where you cannot look sideways and find someone who looks like you in the journey, let alone a person to look UP to.

Being the first means there is no map, no blueprint, and no reassurance that what you are going through is simply part of the process. It can make it harder to endure tough seasons, make you question yourself, make you shrink, and it can even make you wonder whether you should turn back to familiar territory. I imagine Abraham felt out of sorts, deviating from his father, Terah's paganism (Joshua 24:2) to follow YHWH. God simply told him to get up and go to a place He would show him (Genesis‬ ‭12‬:‭1‬)‬‬. Abraham (then Abram), had no immediate blueprint of what it was like to follow God, but Abraham followed God anyway. The Bible in Hebrews 11 mentions Abraham as one of the most faithful people in biblical history, and today, we remember him and use his life story as a great example of how we can build up our own faith. But imagine if he'd doubted himself, being "the only one" in his region or family following YHWH? The very foundations of our faith in Christ would have been changed.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/114/rom.12.2.NKJV.

To me, the renewal of the mind is not just about thinking positively, but rather resisting your default way of thinking. It is also about refusing to let your environment or your past dictate your identity. When you do so, you can push beyond your own human limitations and do something more profound.

What you focus on becomes amplified and eventually shapes your emotional reality. If your focus is on being “the only one,” your attention naturally turns inward. You'd be busy scanning your environment for evidence of separation from those around you, interpreting dissonance as rejection or isolation, and delay as failure. It is only a matter of time before you not only walk a new path, but you also start emotionally carrying the weight of being alone on said path. However, if you shift your focus, even just slightly, from being "the only one" to being “the first one,” you might experience a change. You are still "the only one", technically, but the weight of that existence changes. You are not simply "isolated", you are positioned. You are not "different", you are just early. You are not "misunderstood", you are just ahead of time and comprehension, and eventually, everyone else will catch up. This mindset shift does not remove the discomfort that comes with pursuing something alone, but it reframes it, and sometimes, that is enough to stop fear from becoming the primary driver of your decision-making.

Conversely, there is a certain narrative that success must be solitary, and that in order to win, others must lose, or at the very least, be left behind. It could be fuelled by our "evolutionary" nature of survival of the fittest, and the egotistical urge to be the best, be the youngest, be the "most". But the older I get, the more I realise that that kind of success is fragile, because it isolates you at the very moment you need different perspectives the most. Failure within itself is a great teacher, and other people's failure can also be teaching moments for you. In the pursuit of greatness through competitiveness, there is typically little room for the mind to observe lessons. After all, if you have won, what's there to learn? And what could you possibly learn from someone who failed where you have already succeeded?

I recently watched the Netflix documentary “The Plastic Detox”, which explores how microplastics and endocrine-disrupting chemicals are affecting our health. What caught my attention wasn't just the severity of the issue (which led me to make some lifestyle changes), but the persistence of Dr Shanna Swan and others who probably felt like they spent years hitting a brick wall. She spent decades raising awareness mainly in academic circles, while the wider public barely engaged. Over time, other activists began joined her on that journey, but in silos, and eventually collaboration began. The message became collective rather than fragmented, eventually leading them to Netflix and bringing global attention to the issue, by linking environmental damage to real human consequences like health issues. What once seemed like an “individual concern” has now become “public urgency."

As humans, we are deeply shaped by visibility. We learn by seeing and we often believe by witnessing. That is why representation matters so much, not just socially, but psychologically. When you see someone who looks like you, comes from where you come from, or carries a similar story succeeding in a space you thought was closed to you, it inspires you, and your dreams become tangible. That is precisely why we celebrate “firsts.” But what we often overlook is the emotional cost of being that “first". You are typically navigating uncertainty while also being observed by everyone around you, some of whom might have made comments like "it's never been done before; who are you to succeed?". You are building something while also representing possibility for others, which can feel more like pressure than purpose.

The idea of being “lonely at the top” should also not be worn like a badge of honour. In Shona, we say, "Chara chimwe hachitswanye inda" which loosely translates to, "one palm cannot squash a bug". You need either another palm or another surface to create the pressure required to successfully squash a bug. Some say "if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together." Imagine what becomes possible when success is not individual but collective! Not to say you absolutely must share in the glory of your accomplishments with people who did not directly contribute to your hard work, no. But recognise that your success can lead to others' success, provided you put your hand back down the ladder and pull someone else UP a few rungs. When in business, leadership, or creative spaces, you are not just building for personal elevation, but for change. Yes, personal satisfaction, accomplishments and legacy are definitely perks, but people will keep speaking of the impact long after you are gone. You do not just improve your own life, but you could also shift systems, influence policy, advocate for fairer working conditions and create access where there was none. You could model healthier ways of living that ripple outward into global communities you may never physically meet, even spanning generations after you have died.

However, whether you acknowledge it or not, your journey is not just about your own personal success. You are widening the emotional and mental blueprint for those who come after you, and eventually, your lived experience becomes someone else’s instruction manual!

In this day and age, one of the greatest gifts we have access to is ACCESS itself. Mentors, coaches, and communities are no longer limited by geography. However, even with access, intentionality still matters. You can have unlimited visibility but still remain disconnected if you do not proactively seek out meaningful connections.

I say all of this to say: do not despise being “the only one.” Reframe it and see yourself as “the first one", because “the first” carries something “the only” never will: possibility. Pioneers' decisions become case studies and their courage becomes permission for others. Perhaps that is the gift of being the first: not that you walked a path alone, but that you made it possible for others to not have to. I sincerely hope you prosper and conquer all in all your endeavours.